Ever feel like self-confidence is a code you just can’t crack? You’re not alone. Most people struggle with self-esteem and confidence at some point, but when these struggles become chronic, they can seriously impact our mental health and daily life.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. As life coach Nikki Munitz from Nikki Munitz and Associates points out, self-confidence isn’t something you’re born with. It’s a skill you can build.
Munitz explains that our self-beliefs start to develop in the earliest stages of life, even before birth. We absorb the opinions of those around us – parents, siblings, friends – and accept them as truths, which affects our sense of competence and, consequently, our self-confidence. This ‘operating system,’ as she calls it, runs constantly beneath the surface, shaping our thoughts, actions, and ultimately, our level of self-belief.
Recognising the signs of low self-esteem
One of the first steps in building self-confidence is recognising the signs of low self-esteem. These can manifest in various ways, both personally and professionally. According to Munitz, some key indicators are:
Seeking constant validation: Constantly needing to validate your opinion against someone else’s is often a sign of insecurity and a lack of confidence.
Reluctance to speak up: Some people have been raised in an environment where they didn’t learn to value their own opinion and live with self-doubt, notes Munitz. This can be particularly damaging in the workplace, where valuable ideas and feedback may remain unspoken.
Negative self-talk: That inner critic, the ‘gremlin’ as Munitz calls it, whispers doubts and insecurities, undermining our belief in ourselves.
Withdrawal: Individuals may avoid social situations, new experiences, and challenges.
Overcoming the obstacles to self-confidence
Munitz stresses that building self-confidence is a journey that requires consistent effort. She highlights some common obstacles and offers strategies for overcoming them:
The impact of childhood experiences: Our parents struggled with their own confidence and self-esteem issues, so they couldn’t exactly teach us the skills that they didn’t possess themselves. And it becomes a kind of never-ending cycle. Munitz emphasises the need to ‘repair the wreckage of childhood’, stressing that this is not about parental blame, but understanding the origins of our insecurities.
Negative interactions in school and the workplace: Munitz stresses the importance of supportive environments where individuals are encouraged to think for themselves and develop their strengths. “Workplaces would be amazed at what they could get out of their employees if they just changed how they spoke to them.” She also suggests coaching managers to foster a more supportive and empowering work environment.
The trap of comparison: Munitz recognises the double-edged sword of social media, acknowledging its potential to worsen self-esteem problems. While it connects people and can inform and assist us, it also fosters an environment where people present highly polished, often unrealistic versions of their lives.
“We see only the best photos, the most exciting moments, creating a distorted view of reality. Even with the awareness that these portrayals aren’t entirely genuine, comparing ourselves to them can still lead to feelings of inadequacy and diminished self-worth,” Munitz elaborates.
Practical strategies for building self-confidence
Munitz offers a range of practical strategies for cultivating self-confidence:
Mindfulness and self-compassion: Start practising things like mindfulness and meditation…create space for yourself. Even small moments of mindfulness, like truly enjoying a cup of coffee, can be a starting point. “It’s really about being gentle without putting so much pressure on ourselves.”
Replace negative self-talk with factual evidence: Instead of saying ‘I am lazy, and I don’t like new things’ try ‘I am adventurous’ and back it up with evidence from your life, so that you know that what you’re saying is the truth.
Use affirmations effectively: Affirmations can be helpful, but only if they are believable and grounded in reality. ‘I respect myself for always trying my best’ is a more effective affirmation than ‘I am beautiful and intelligent’ if the latter doesn’t resonate with you.
Set realistic goals: Breaking down large tasks into smaller, manageable steps can create a sense of accomplishment and build momentum.
Celebrate successes: Focusing on achievements, no matter how small, reinforces positive self-perception.
Recognise what you’re good at: We’re all good at something, whether it’s cooking, singing, doing puzzles or being a friend.
Assertive communication: Learning to express needs and opinions clearly, respectfully, and directly is crucial for building confidence.
Self-acceptance: Embrace imperfections and vulnerabilities. We need to work on our level of self-acceptance…how we talk about the parts of ourselves that we don’t like and can’t change. Removing judgement from self-perception is key to building self-confidence.
Seeking professional help
Munitz emphasises the importance of seeking professional support when needed. “Ideally, everyone should have a life coach or counsellor.
“Recognising when you can’t solve these issues on your own is a sign of strength, not weakness. Anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and persistent self-doubt are all indicators that it’s time to seek help,”
The importance of addressing self-esteem issues
Ignoring self-esteem issues can have serious consequences, including depression and addiction. “It’s crippling, and often we start using self-destructive behaviours to cope,” Munitz adds.
Building self-confidence is a lifelong journey. It requires self-awareness, consistent effort, and a willingness to embrace vulnerability. By implementing these strategies and seeking support, individuals can cultivate a stronger sense of self and unlock their full potential.