‘It’s a new world, it’s a new day, it’s a new life and I’m feeling good…..’
This is probably not your theme song right now given the national lockdown due to COVID-19, but it could be…..
How about facing the pandemic head-on by “shaking up your roles”…..
Life roles are important. They shape our identities and bring with them the tasks and responsibilities that give us a sense of purpose and achievement. COVID-19 is asking us to redefine our roles both at work and at home.
The challenges are expressed in social media and quotes such as the ones below are becoming heard all too often:
“I just can’t find a balance. If I win on the career front, I lose on the kid front, and if I win on the kid front, getting my work done is a disaster.”
Everyone is working (hard) on the home front, and the struggle to juggle is real! The somewhat trendy job description of ‘slasher’ is probably better understood now than ever. “I am a child minder (slash) educator (slash) cleaner (slash) worker-from-home (slash) IT specialist (slash) person dealing with my own COVID issues!”
Many of us have had to take on new roles, and to begin with, we may not have liked that because it was forced upon us
You may have experienced the ‘power struggle’ if some work roles were deemed to have wielded more power than others, and possibly the partner who earned less is now the breadwinner. Or the need to shift the weight and throw home roles off balance. This is particularly true of essential workers who are on the frontlines, who might need to be less involved on the home front to protect their families from infection.
Add to the mix, the indignation at assumed gender roles.
“I feel like I am no more than a 1950s housewife.”
More than just finding a new daily routine, we need to redefine the value of what were considered ‘menial tasks’. Metaphorically speaking there has never been a better time to clear the air, and rock these roles. This is the time for load sharing, and not for load shedding.
Strong families know how to adapt and function well in crises. Let’s look at some of the habits that you may need to develop to strengthen your family at this time.
- Practice clear, open and frequent communication to avoid stress, conflict and frustration.
- Ask each member to write down what they believe are their roles and responsibilities right now. If tasks are clearly and equitably assigned to family members then everyone feels valued and no one is at risk of burnout. Yes, you may be the bread-winner now, but you might also need to be the one who makes the sandwiches.
- You may be using your home and other spaces in different ways than you’re used to. This can be challenging. Agree space sharing at home, and the boundaries that will foster mutual respect, life playing quietly when mom or dad are working or not interrupting schooling.
- Tell each family member what you value about them. Ask each family member what they value about the family as a unit.
- Encourage each family member to continue to foster their own interests and relationships outside the home. Having your own hobbies, friendships and interests means you will be a strong family rather than an enmeshed and matted one.
Having these discussions may not be easy or comfortable. Some people may be ready to adapt whilst others may still be living in shock and denial trying to survive until ‘things to go back to normal’. The truth is that the future will probably look different to that which was considered ‘normal’ before COVID-19. This does not have to be in a negative way.
This experience could very well stand the test of time and be remembered as a precious time in which each family member learned to rock some roles; and rather than being left on shaky ground you find yourselves stronger than ever before.
If relationships at home are rocky right now, reach out to the LifeAssist National Support Centre.