A Psychological Weapon of Control in Gender-Based Violence

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of emotional abuse where someone manipulates another person into doubting their thoughts, feelings, and even their reality. It takes place over an extended period of time (as repeated behaviour) and this is NOT a once-off event!

Gaslighting is often used alongside other forms of abuse, like verbal or physical abuse. It’s an invisible form of control that is hard to recognise, even for the victim, until the damage is done. During Gender-Based Violence (GBV) Month, it’s important to talk about gaslighting because it often plays a role in abusive relationships.

What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting happens when an abuser repeatedly tells their victim that their memories, perceptions, or feelings are wrong or not valid. This can make the victim question themselves, feeling confused or even thinking they are ‘crazy.’ Over time, this can destroy their confidence and sense of self-worth.

For example, an abuser might tell their partner, “You’re too sensitive,” or, “That never happened,” when confronted with their harmful behaviour. The victim, after hearing this repeatedly, may begin to believe the abuser instead of trusting their own experiences.

Why is Gaslighting Harmful?
The impact of gaslighting can be long-lasting and devastating. While it doesn’t leave visible scars like physical abuse, gaslighting can deeply harm a person’s mental and emotional wellbeing.  It isolates the victim, making them feel alone and unsure of themselves. They may stop sharing their feelings, thinking no one will believe them. In many cases, gaslighting is used to maintain control in a relationship. The victim may become more dependent on the abuser for approval or validation, which is exactly what the abuser wants.

Recognising the Signs
It can be difficult to know if you or someone you care about is being gaslighted. Some signs to watch for include:

  • Constantly second-guessing yourself and experiencing a heightened feeling of inadequacy and this may leave you feeling that you’re unable to make your own decisions as you lose trust in yourself.
  • Apologising frequently, even when you’re not sure why.
  • Feeling confused or like you can’t do anything right.
  • Not trusting your own feelings and reality, your judgement or perceptions, and your memories or experiences.

Gaslighting may be subtle, but its effects are powerful. Raising awareness about this hidden form of abuse can help victims regain control over their lives and find the support they need.

Gaslighting thrives in silence. Speaking up, seeking help, or confiding in a trusted person can be a powerful step in breaking free from this form of abuse. If you or someone you know is experiencing gaslighting, it’s important to reach out to LifeAssist to get support.