Constructive Engagement - YourLifeAssist

MODULE 3:

Engaging with employees is one thing, but constructively engaging with employees is another. In this module, we’ll help you to brush up on your constructive engagement skills with the aim of relating better to employees and ensuring that everyone is motivated to perform. We’ll cover constructive confrontation, effective listening, constructive criticism, and the Karpmann Drama Triangle.

Constructive Confrontation

Former Intel Chairman, Andy Grove said, “Constructive engagement (Confrontation) does not mean being loud, unpleasant, or rude, and it is not designed to affix blame. The essence of it is to attack a problem by speaking of it in a business-like way.”

When people of different backgrounds come together there is bound to be conflict. The same applies to organisations. Nobody wants conflict, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Employees all have different values, beliefs, backgrounds, and personal problems which can lead to conflict in the workplace. Conflict can be expressed in different ways, such as bullying, insults, anger, and non-cooperation. It can be caused by various factors like miscommunication, perceived inequalities, organisational change, personality clashes, or poor management. And the consequences are dire – absenteeism, high staff turnover, poor performance, disruption to the organisation, or dismissal.

When a conflict arises in the workplace we can respond by confronting, accommodating, or avoiding it. Accommodating and avoiding are both passive ways of dealing with conflict which can lead to the conflict escalating in future and requiring greater effort to resolve. Confrontation can be aggressive and therefore unproductive, or it can be constructive with the view of collaborating with the other party to find a solution. The focus should not be on the conflict, but on constructive confrontation with the aim of resolving the conflict and moving forward with a resolution.

What is confrontation?

According to Gregg Walker of Oregon State University, confrontation is the direct expression of one’s view (thoughts and feelings) of the conflict situation and an invitation for the other party to express his or her views of the conflict.

Confrontation involves describing the problematic behaviour and reactions to that behaviour, clarifying and exploring issues related to the conflict, and discussing related feelings.

How do I constructively confront conflict?

As a manager, you should be able to step in and take charge by constructively confronting employees. Keep the following in mind:

Schedule a conflict management session. Confrontation can only be constructive if there is sufficient time to adequately share views. Attempts to confront a conflict on the fly will probably lead to more frustration. Bear in mind that it won’t always be possible to find a resolution in one meeting. Depending on the nature of the conflict, more than one meeting may be necessary.
Keep a cool head. Wait until you are calm and in a good space before attempting to resolve conflict. Your ability to regulate your own emotions during the confrontation is critical to moving forward during the conversation.
Focus on the language you use. When confronting conflict, it is useful to use non-accusatory language. It may be tempting to blame, especially the person who you perceive to be the cause of the problem. But the blame game will get you nowhere. The language you use is critical. For example, instead of saying “What you said about your colleague is unacceptable”, you could say “I overheard what you said about Dineo the other day”. The first statement is accusatory. The second statement refers to your observations. People are less defensive when you talk about your observations and will automatically be easier to communicate with if you don’t get their back up.
Refer to your thoughts and feelings about issues surrounding the conflict and the other party’s behaviour but be careful not to mention anything relating to their personality or character as this will be construed as threatening.
Avoid getting sucked into an argument by focusing on facts. If the employee is angry, it will be difficult for them to hear you and to communicate. You may need to repeat yourself in different ways before your point is understood.
Be clear and concise. There’s no room for mixed messages, especially if miscommunication contributed to the conflict.
Be clear about what you heard or saw. If you didn’t witness the events then make sure you have gathered sufficient information and as many facts as possible before confronting the employee. There is no room for ambiguity.
Communicate consequences. Often people don’t realize the far-reaching impact of their behaviour. Be honest about how it is impacting their colleague/s, the team, or the organisation.
State your expectations as a manager. Being unclear or vague about your expectations going forward will create confusion.
This process is futile if you don’t give the person/ people involved the opportunity to speak and be heard. This may help to diffuse tension but will also provide you with information you wouldn’t otherwise have, potentially leading to a solution. Try to really understand what the other party is saying.
Prepare yourself. Disagreement is part of the process. Just because you are the manager does not mean the employee will agree with you automatically. This is a collaborative process with the aim of finding a solution together. Disagreement does not automatically mean that the encounter needs to be a battle.
Don’t preach. Invite a collaborative approach to improving the situation.

Listen to Understand

Not only is a large part of the constructive confrontation process dependant on your ability to listen, but in general for you to constructively engage with employees you need to be able to hear and understand what they are saying. Here are some tips to help you listen effectively:

Face the speaker and keep eye contact. Put away any distractions like your cell phone. How do you feel when you are trying to talk to someone and they are busy on their computer or looking around the room? You probably don’t feel heard. Ensure that the employee knows that they have your attention when they are speaking.
Be present. To give your full attention to the speaker you need to keep your full attention on them. Don’t be distracted by your own thoughts like how many other things you have to do, and try to block out distractions in the background like phones ringing and people talking in the corridor. When it’s your turn to listen, don’t spend the time planning what you are going to say next. Keep your focus on what the speaker is saying.
Keep an open mind. Don’t judge the speaker. Bear in mind that they are expressing their own thought and feelings. You don’t need to accept those thoughts and feelings, but you do need to understand where he/ she is coming from. Also bear in mind that in our multi-cultural society the speaker may be expressing themselves in their second, third or fourth language. There is lots of room for misinterpretation. Clarify if you think you may have misunderstood the speaker.
Don’t interrupt. By interrupting the speaker, you send the message that you feel that you are more important than they are and that you don’t care about their opinion. This will do nothing but increase tension. If you need to ask a question or clarify what the speaker said, wait until the speaker pauses.
Empathy facilitates communication. Try to put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and imagine what it must be like to be him/ her.
Pay attention to nonverbal cues. Not all communication is spoken. The tone of voice, facial expression, posture, and bodily movements all convey a message.

The Art of Delivering Constructive Criticism

Providing constructive criticism is an important skill for all managers to learn. Constructive criticism is a process that involves conveying both positive and negative feedback with the aim of fostering further development. Instead of only identifying what is wrong, you are also offering helpful suggestions for improvement. Since the word criticism often has negative connotations, another useful term we could use is “constructive feedback”. Constructive criticism is highly effective when delivered politely and professionally. Consider these points when delivering constructive criticism:

Schedule a meeting and make it clear what the meeting is about. Don’t say, “I want to give you feedback on the project”. Rather say “The project is going well and I want to give you feedback on a few aspects”.
Pick a good time. If you are not a morning person, don’t do it in the morning. If the employee already has two meetings and a deadline, it’s probably not a good day.
Keep it private. It can be intimidating and awkward for an employee to receive constructive criticism in a group setting.
Highlight the employee’s strengths and the areas where they are performing well, as well as areas that need to be improved on. Positive feedback should be genuine. The employee will pick up if you are giving compliments just for the sake of it.
When discussing areas that require improvement, be prepared with solutions. Put suggestions forward on how the employee could improve. You need to actually be constructive!

Avoiding Workplace Drama

The Karpman Drama represents a destructive type of interaction that can occur between people in conflict. The three points of the inverted triangle represent the three roles that people may take in a conflict situation:

The Victim
The Persecutor
The Rescuer

Persecutors are those who attack or oppress the victim. The persecutor holds the most power. The victim feels bullied by the persecutor. The victim feels vulnerable, helpless, and unable to solve problems on their own. The rescuer feels they need to help the victim. The rescuer often has a chronic need to “help” and perpetuates the problem by focusing on the individual (victim) and not the problem. Often the individuals in the drama triangle are acting unconsciously to get their own needs met and they aren’t aware of the bigger picture.

As a manager, understanding the dynamics of the Karpman Drama Triangle is a useful tool. Getting involved with one side or the other will make the problem worse and add to the toxicity of the dynamic. Remember these points when addressing drama in the workplace:

Hold back your own judgement. If you have already decided who is at fault, you are in the drama triangle yourself. Often the conflict arises from misunderstandings or circumstances that need to be restructured, not from anyone being deliberately malicious.
Each conflict situation is unique, and it probably isn’t necessary for the manager to approach all three parties in every situation.
Of the parties that you do decide to approach, listen to each side of the story. They are most probably not aware of the drama triangle that they are involved in.
Gently point out to the rescuer that they are not actually helping to solve the problem in their current role. A more constructive approach would be to ask how they can help, empowering the victim to decide what they need in the situation and to take action.
Challenge the powerlessness of the victim by encouraging them to seek an actual solution by asking for help or constructively confronting the persecutor.
Encourage the persecutor to be assertive about their own needs without blaming the victim.
By facilitating a change of roles you are empowering all three parties to take responsibility for themselves, therefore changing the toxic dynamic.

Manager Consultation is available via the LifeAssist National Support Centre. Reach out to us if you would like to discuss how best to deal with a conflict situation in the workplace. In the next Module we’ll take a closer look at self-care for managers.