2020 June Articles Archives

Time to rock those roles.

‘It’s a new world, it’s a new day, it’s a new life and I’m feeling good…..’

This is probably not your theme song right now given the national lockdown due to COVID-19, but it could be…..

How about facing the pandemic head-on by “shaking up your roles”…..

Life roles are important. They shape our identities and bring with them the tasks and responsibilities that give us a sense of purpose and achievement. COVID-19 is asking us to redefine our roles both at work and at home.

The challenges are expressed in social media and quotes such as the ones below are becoming heard all too often:

“I just can’t find a balance. If I win on the career front, I lose on the kid front, and if I win on the kid front, getting my work done is a disaster.”

Everyone is working (hard) on the home front, and the struggle to juggle is real! The somewhat trendy job description of ‘slasher’ is probably better understood now than ever. “I am a child minder (slash) educator (slash) cleaner (slash) worker-from-home (slash) IT specialist (slash) person dealing with my own COVID issues!”

Many of us have had to take on new roles, and to begin with, we may not have liked that because it was forced upon us

You may have experienced the ‘power struggle’ if some work roles were deemed to have wielded more power than others, and possibly the partner who earned less is now the breadwinner. Or the need to shift the weight and throw home roles off balance. This is particularly true of essential workers who are on the frontlines, who might need to be less involved on the home front to protect their families from infection.

Add to the mix, the indignation at assumed gender roles.

“I feel like I am no more than a 1950s housewife.”

More than just finding a new daily routine, we need to redefine the value of what were considered ‘menial tasks’. Metaphorically speaking there has never been a better time to clear the air, and rock these roles. This is the time for load sharing, and not for load shedding.

Strong families know how to adapt and function well in crises. Let’s look at some of the habits that you may need to develop to strengthen your family at this time.

Practice clear, open and frequent communication to avoid stress, conflict and frustration.
Ask each member to write down what they believe are their roles and responsibilities right now. If tasks are clearly and equitably assigned to family members then everyone feels valued and no one is at risk of burnout. Yes, you may be the bread-winner now, but you might also need to be the one who makes the sandwiches.
You may be using your home and other spaces in different ways than you’re used to. This can be challenging. Agree space sharing at home, and the boundaries that will foster mutual respect, life playing quietly when mom or dad are working or not interrupting schooling.
Tell each family member what you value about them. Ask each family member what they value about the family as a unit.
Encourage each family member to continue to foster their own interests and relationships outside the home. Having your own hobbies, friendships and interests means you will be a strong family rather than an enmeshed and matted one.

Having these discussions may not be easy or comfortable. Some people may be ready to adapt whilst others may still be living in shock and denial trying to survive until ‘things to go back to normal’. The truth is that the future will probably look different to that which was considered ‘normal’ before COVID-19. This does not have to be in a negative way.

This experience could very well stand the test of time and be remembered as a precious time in which each family member learned to rock some roles; and rather than being left on shaky ground you find yourselves stronger than ever before.

If relationships at home are rocky right now, reach out to the LifeAssist National Support Centre.

zara2021-03-16T08:06:55+00:00

Grieving from a Distance during the Covid-19 Pandemic

The dying and death of a loved one is difficult to navigate under normal circumstances. During the Covid-19 pandemic it has become even more sensitive. Grief is a normal response that we experience to a loss. It can feel overwhelming and it often takes time to work through the complicated emotions. The Kubler-Ross model describes the five stages of grief as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Although the stages of grief are universal, they don’t happen in any particular order and everybody grieves differently.

As with most things, the Covid-19 pandemic has added a new dimension to grief for people all over the world. Usually being present for a loved one’s final moments to comfort them, attending the funeral to say goodbye and connecting with the people around us are important parts of the grief process. Social connection in the form of hugs, hand holding, and sharing memories provide comfort and reassurance that we are not alone, amongst many other cultural traditions. However, because of our current strict physical distancing and social isolation rules, it is often not possible. Many other important traditional customs are also being put on hold leaving people feeling isolated and depressed.

Our new normal means that for the foreseeable future we may need to grieve from a distance. Here are some practical tools you can use to help you honour your loved one and come to terms with your loss:

Due to the limited number of people allowed at funerals as well as the fear of contracting COVID-19, many people are opting to attend funerals virtually by means of Skype, Facetime, Zoom and other apps that are easy to use.
If you aren’t able to attend a funeral, consider writing or recording a message that can be read out or played at the funeral.
Grieving in isolation is unnatural. Reach out to friends and family during this time and stay connected via social media, email and text.
Consider holding a small funeral now and arranging a bigger memorial or celebration of life later on when the lockdown regulations have eased.
Hold your own private memorial at home in your lounge or garden. Light candles, say a few words, sing a hymn or a meaningful song.
Write a letter expressing what the person meant to you and say goodbye.
Create a small memorial garden in memory of your loved one by planting a tree. This is the perfect space to sit and have some quiet time.
Grief can impact you physically. Make sure that you are getting enough rest, nutrition and exercise.

If you aren’t coping and you need professional support, contact the LifeAssist National Support Service for counselling.

Source: LifeAssist

zara2021-04-07T11:11:19+00:00

Tune into your child’s feelings

In June we celebrate the “youth” in the country, with the 16^th June being Youth Day. The timing of acknowledging the youth could not be more fortuitous, given the impact of COVID-19.

A lot has been said and written about how adults have been dealing with the effects of COVID-19. This month, however, lets take a moment to reflect on how the pandemic has affected the lives of our youth.

“I’m not tired, I’m angry!” my child roared, much to my surprise. His reaction was far bigger than I had expected. A lot of parents are spending more time at home with their children because of the national lockdown. As we tackle the new roles such as parent and teacher, we have gotten to see the other sides of our children too. Like I did when I saw this very angry side of my usually easy-going son.

The youth are also battling with the National lockdown. So how do you help them through these difficult moments and days?

Here are a few tips as to how to help your children to learn about their feelings and, in so doing, become more understanding about others’ feelings too.

It is not your job as a parent to make your child happy. No one is happy all the time nor should they be, so let go of that idea.

You need to start teaching your child about their feelings before they are swept up in a feeling. A case in point, teaching your child about anger during a tantrum is not going to work very well.

Give your children the names of the feelings. Google real people feeling angry or happy or frustrated and see what happens on their face. You can even draw these faces onto a page and keep it on the fridge to reference later.

Help them understand that you are not your feelings. You can feel angry. It does not mean you are an angry boy. Keep your child’s identity positive but let their feelings change. You can be a good girl who feels lonely. You are not a lonely little girl.

Look for opportunities to speak about how others feel. During a walk if you see a boy on his bike you can ask ‘why do you think that little boy is smiling?’ It is easier for kids to see feelings in others before they figure out their own feelings.
Show your child that you have feelings too. Talk about your feelings. Your job is not to appear perfect but to show your child how to deal with difficult situations. By teaching what to do with a feeling it makes each one feel less overwhelming for kids, who are not great at making decisions, especially when feeling emotional.

Teach your child that feelings are catchy. Grumpiness is contagious as is joy. Talk about what you can do with feelings. Being able to recognize and name a feeling is the beginning. Figuring out what to do with the feeling is equally important. Let your kid know what is acceptable behaviour in your home.

For parenting guidance, assistance is a phone call away by reaching out to the LifeAssist National Support centre.

zara2021-03-15T16:49:29+00:00