2023 Feb Articles

Impostor syndrome is when you feel like a fraud who may get found out or who doesn’t belong, despite your achievements. Doubting yourself and your abilities can lead to severe consequences: anxiety, negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and depression.

You may lean towards impostor syndrome if you.

• Constantly obsess that you will be “found out” that you are not good enough or smart enough.
• You often self-sabotage. For example, you set yourself up for failure because you’re afraid you may not be clever enough to succeed (e.g. by staying out all night before an important presentation).
• Link your success to luck or outside factors. For example, the only reason you got an A is because the exam was easy.
• Are overly sensitive, even to constructive criticism.
• Often downplay your own expertise, even if you are genuinely more skilled than others.

Impostor syndrome is common during times of change or when trying new things. For example, the pressure to succeed in a new job, combined with a lack of experience, can trigger feelings of inadequacy.

How to cope with impostor syndrome:

• Examine the core beliefs you have about yourself. Do you believe you must be perfect to gain approval?
• Question your thoughts and share your fears with people you trust who can give you an honest evaluation. Keeping your thoughts hidden will only make them worse.
• Write down what you have achieved and what you’re good at. Give thanks for your achievements.
• Stop comparing yourself to others; rather be the best version of yourself.
• Do your best, rather than strive for perfection.
• Restrict posting on social media as presenting an image that is hard to live up to may make you feel like a fraud.
• Accept that you may not belong or feel comfortable in every circle or group. That’s okay, you are unique, and will find your tribe.
• Keep reaching for your goals, no matter how you feel.
• Allow others to know the real you. People are generally drawn to vulnerability and authenticity.

If impostor syndrome is affecting your well-being and potential, contact Life Assist for support. All communication is 100% confidential and at no charge to you. or your family.

Asking yourself this question suggests that you could be struggling. Counselling from a skilled professional may benefit you if you:

• often feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or irritable;
• are unable to find solutions to challenges;
• find that trauma or grief affects your daily functioning or relationships;
• turn to drugs, alcohol, or food to escape unpleasant situations or thoughts;
• feel disconnected from the people around you;
• have unshakable habits and “rules” that cause you untold stress.

Talking with a trained counsellor who is skilled at listening can help you process difficult thoughts and feelings, understand yourself better, and get a clearer sense of what you want and need. Honest sharing with a qualified counsellor outside of your circle can offer you a fresh perspective and the tools to move forward.

Can’t I just talk to my friends about my problems?

It’s very helpful to reach out to people around you who you trust. However, you may remain stuck and require specialist support and tools. Sometimes friends and family are part of the problem and may not have the time or insight to help you, or are burdened with their own issues.

Isn’t counselling only for ‘crazy’ or weak people?

Seeing a counsellor doesn’t necessarily mean you have serious emotional or mental problems. Almost everyone has difficulties and challenges at some point and asking for help is actually a sign of strength; it shows that you are taking responsibility for your well-being. It takes a lot of courage to explore sensitive feelings and painful experiences and to challenge and change destructive behaviours and thought processes.

Will the counsellor understand what I am going through if they have not had a similar experience, or come from the same background as me?

Counsellors are professionally trained to treat a variety of crises and issues and to be sensitive and respectful of individual differences in terms of age, gender, ethnicity, culture, religion, and socio-economic status.

Will counselling “fix” me and my problems?

Counselling is not a “quick fix.” The counsellor will help you to explore and understand your feelings, behaviours, and concerns, and to examine your options. A good counsellor will create a safe space for you where you feel accepted and free to share and unburden your innermost fears.

Does having counselling mean that I do not have enough faith in God to take care of me?

While prayers and complete trust in God is beneficial, God often provides knowledgeable people with tools to assist us. Doctors help us with physical ailments, and counsellors help us with our emotional and mental health.

If you decide you need counselling, call LifeAssist to speak to a counsellor and arrange an online or face-to-face session. That way you can find out if counselling is a tool that will be of benefit to you.

We all know that acts of kindness make us feel good; what’s exciting is that science has also found that these feelings are excellent for our health and well-being.

True kindness is when we help others because we genuinely want to, not for any reward or to avoid punishment. Kindness towards ourselves also counts!

The research shows that kindness protects us against unhealthy stress: it boosts our immune systems and mental health by reducing anxiety and depression and lowers our blood pressure and cortisol. It, therefore, decreases the risk of heart attacks or strokes.

Kindness also fosters generosity, connection, and feelings of inclusion, which increases our ability to handle stress. Although practising kindness won’t make daily pressures disappear, daily doses of kindness help keep us calm and able to cope.

Kindness helps both the giver and receiver. Recent research also showed that people who performed kindness activities for seven days towards friends, family, strangers, or themselves, reported a boost in happiness. And the kinder they were (measured in terms of the more acts of kindness performed), the happier they were.

Close your eyes and imagine a world where we all look out for each other, and where we pay it forward. It all starts with acts of kindness. Here are some suggestions:

• Write positive messages on sticky paper for people to find.
• Donate a book to your nearest library or shelter.
• Be a good listener.
• Share your favourite book or recipe.
• Have a judgement-free day.
• Compliment freely and abundantly.
• Provide refreshments for delivery drivers.
• Shop local.
• Register as an organ donor.
• Let seniors or those who are rushing go ahead of you in a queue.
• Adopt a grandparent. Go to the nearby old age home and ask who never receives visitors or gifts.
• Give up your seat.
• Ask someone about their day.
• Write a positive online review or comment.
• Say something positive about yourself.
• Cook a meal for someone going through a bad time.
• Share your knowledge.
• Text someone good morning or good night.
• Pick up rubbish.
• Tip generously, even to bathroom attendants.
• Donate used towels or blankets to a homeless shelter.
• Be polite on the road.

Reach out to a LifeAssist counsellor for personal development coaching.