Bonding with your baby

However, not all new mothers experience it quite like that; for some the process takes a little longer.

Bonding is a process

Bonding is a process that may start and continue throughout pregnancy, reach a climax during birth or evolve during the days and weeks after birth. There is no right or wrong moment to bond with your baby but, rest assured, sooner or later you will experience a powerful attachment to and an overwhelming desire to feed, shelter and protect your baby at all costs. That’s called bonding and psychologists believe that this early relationship between a baby and his/her parents paves the way for the child’s future intimate relationships with others! The point here is not when the bonding takes place but that it does actually take place!

Ways to bond with your baby

Before baby is born

As mentioned above, the bonding process may start long before your baby is born. In fact, prenatal psychologists point out, and research supports the fact, that babies in the womb hear what’s going on outside and are even able to experience some of their mother’s thoughts and emotions via the hormones she excretes when she is happy, sad or stressed out.

This is a perfect time to start bonding with your baby. First of all, look after yourself and stay as calm, happy and healthy as you possibly can and, secondly, talk and sing love songs to your baby or play calming and soothing music. The father of the baby and older siblings can also talk and sing to baby. The fascinating fact is that babies in the womb are able to respond to outside noise from as early as the 23rd week.

During birth and afterwards

Although it is sometimes difficult to bond with baby in the hospital due to a difficult delivery, a premature baby, problems with breast-feeding or feelings of inadequacy and other negative emotions, all is not lost. Give yourself a break and accept all the help you can get until you feel better. What you can do is to keep on talking to and touching your baby even if you are only able to hold baby’s hand or touch and stroke baby’s face. Your baby knows and loves the sound of your voice so use it to reassure baby that you are close by.

At home

Beware of the fact that sheer panic may set in when the euphoria of the birth is past and the responsibility of parenthood strikes you when you arrive home.

Here are a few tips to help you relax and bond with your baby at home:

• • Touch, touch and more touch. Skin-to-skin contact not only warms baby but also provides much needed comfort and security. If you are able to, keep baby close to you, in a sling or other contraption. Baby loves to hear your heartbeat and breathing and the motion of your body as you walk around; it reminds him/her of the time in the womb. Of course it’s not possible to do this 24 hours per day but do keep baby as close as possible and get the other members of the family to help too! Cuddle, kiss, snuggle up and enjoy your precious baby.

• • Make bath time a special time for you and your baby. Give baby a lovely, gentle, massage before or after a bath and watch how it relaxes them. Infant massage also benefits you, the mother, so read on.

• • Feeding time is bonding time! Breast feed your baby and reap some unexpected benefits. Not only will you be bonding with your baby but you will also be releasing a hormone called oxytocin, the hormone that stimulates the mother’s uterus to contract during labour and helps you regain a flat tummy afterwards. This hormone also helps to move milk into the breast and helps the mother relax while feeding her baby. If you are unable to breast feed, don’t despair; according to Joanne Bagshaw and Elene Fox this hormone is also released in the mother’s body through physical touch and while you massage your baby. Hold baby close while giving a bottle and keep eye contact; babies love to look at their mother’s faces.

• • Learn your baby’s language, that is the signals and cues that baby is uncomfortable, hungry or upset. Respond as quickly as possible when baby wakes up or cries. Baby will be reassured by hearing your voice so talk to baby even if you are not in the same room or are on your way. “When you know your baby and respond to his cues, you build trust and a sense of security that all his needs are going to be met and anxiety is lessened and often eliminated”, says Stephanie Brown of Babyparenting.about.com.

• • Play with your baby, sing, read and talk to baby and go for strolls in the fresh air. Any one-on-one activity facilitates bonding. Your family can be a great help and older siblings as well as the father of the baby can take turns to communicate with baby. After all, you are not superwoman and you need to take time off to relax too! The old adage of happy mother, happy child still holds true and a tired and harassed mother will barely have enough physical and emotional strength to get through the day not to mention bonding with her baby.

One last tip, ignore negative critics who claim that you are spoiling your child by carrying baby around or giving too much attention to baby. Follow your gut feeling, that God-given ability called mother’s instinct, and love, pamper and enjoy your baby.

 

Sources
Bagshaw, Joanne & Fox, Ilene. Bonding with your baby.Retrieved from: http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/bonding-with-your-baby/html
Brown, Stephanie. 10 ways to build attachment with your baby. Retrieved from: http://babyparenting.about.com/od/babies212months/2/buildattachment.htm
Goode, CB. 20 Tips for bonding with your baby. Retrieved from: http://baby,more4kids.info2010/02/bonding-with-your-baby-2/
7 ways to bond with your preborn baby. 2011.Retrieved from: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/pregnancy-childbirth/fourth-month/7-ways-to-bond-with-your-preborn-baby
Weiss, RE. Ways to bond with baby. Retrieved from: http://pregnancy.about.com/od/newbornbabies/a/waystobond.htm
When bonding doesn’t work. 2012. Retrieved from: http://www.yourparenting.co.za/baby/care/when-bonding-doesn’t-work