Do you believe that people have to earn your trust? Do you feel safe to extend your trust only once they have passed certain tests? Trust is actually a choice that you make, and says much more about you than it does about the person to whom you are extending that trust.
Trusting really comes down to which is most important to you – trust or self-protection? If you are more concerned with keeping yourself safe, you probably won’t trust because you are afraid of being hurt. However, can you really protect yourself? Won’t you still be hurt to learn of a loved one’s deception? Without trust, you will never achieve that level of intimacy a trusting relationship provides.
Let’s say that you feel suspicious and afraid that your partner will be disloyal and exploit you. This mind-set betrays a profound lack of self-esteem, because you believe that others could not really love and respect you as you are, and that their only interest in you would be to hurt, betray and exploit you.
Trust has more to do with who you are as a person than with who your partner is. When you are secure in yourself and know that you are worthy to receive love, then it is natural to trust. You just know that your partner is faithful and loyal and don’t need to be constantly reassured.
If you want more trust in your life, you have to be more trusting and more worthy of trust. You can’t get from others what you don’t possess in yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I a trustworthy person? Does my partner realise that I have integrity and can be trusted? Do I extend trust to him or her?”
Of course, there will inevitably be someone you trusted who didn’t deserve it, but don’t allow that to shake the foundation of your self-confidence. If he or she is undeserving of your trust, in time, this will be revealed to you and then you can move on and forgive – whether you choose to stay with the person or not. However, if you should choose to forgive and stay, you will have to decide to trust that person once again.
Our Employee Wellbeing Programme (EAP) is available 24 hours a day if you want to know more about trust in couple relationships.