Communicate effectively as a couple

Communicate effectively as a couple

To be able to communicate well as a couple remember the acronym EAR: empathy (skilful listening), assertiveness (effective self-expression), and respect (caring). Bad communication is just the opposite. You don’t listen, you don’t express your feelings openly, and you don’t convey any caring or respect.

Empathy

To have empathy means that you listen carefully and try to see the world through your partner’s eyes. Find some truth in what your partner is saying, even if his or her criticism of you seems unfair or your partner’s point of view is very different from yours. Acknowledge how your partner is thinking and what he or she is probably feeling from what your partner has just said to you. For instance, you could say, “Could you tell me more about that? I’m really interested in what you just said about…” or “How do you see the situation?”

Assertiveness

Being assertive is very different from being aggressive. Express your feelings openly and directly by using “I feel” statements, such as “I feel uncomfortable right now” or “I’m feeling sad”. Share your feelings tactfully so your partner does not feel attacked or put down.

In bad communication, you hide your negative feelings or act them out aggressively instead of sharing them openly. For example, you might resort to name-calling or lash out at the other person by saying “You’re an idiot. My mother was right”. Although this statement expresses anger, it is not an “I feel” statement because it sounds hostile. It’s a “you” statement because you’re putting up a wall and attacking your partner. “You” statements trigger more conflict and fighting.

Respect

You show respect by being kind and caring even though you may feel frustrated and annoyed. When communicating badly, you are antagonistic, condescending, or competitive towards your partner; you treat your partner as an enemy who you want to defeat or humiliate. Instead of breaking down your partner, get close!

Our Employee Wellbeing Programme (EWP) is available 24 hours a day if you want to know more about couple relationship and communication. Call us on the EWP number or email us at
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