When people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude it is said that they suffer from loneliness. Loneliness is, however, more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something together with another person. Someone who is lonely may find it hard to sustain human contact. Loneliness becomes worse during festive seasons because of all the family gatherings, parties and the general spirit of the season.

Need for contact with other people

Each person is different in the amount of contact they want or need from others. At one end of the spectrum are the social butterflies and party animals and at the other end are the social recluses and hermits. But no matter where you fall along this line, there is a certain amount of contact with others that is needed to have a sense of well-being and life satisfaction.

Loneliness leads to depression

Depression is a problem that often accompanies loneliness. In many cases, depressive symptoms such as withdrawal, anxiety, lack of motivation and sadness mimic and mask the symptoms of loneliness. In these cases, people are often treated for depression without considering the possibility that loneliness may be a contributing and sustaining factor in their condition.

Generally, the debilitating symptoms of depression can be managed with antidepressant medication. But when the underlying loneliness is ignored or overlooked, the depressive-like symptoms will probably continue. Unless the reasons for loneliness and depression are separated out, it can easily turn into a “chicken and egg” situation where depression leads to loneliness, and loneliness leads to depression. Too many times this combination leads to suicidal tendencies and even actual suicide.

Things you can do to counter loneliness

    • If it is too difficult to be with people for the sake of socialising, take a course, join a book club, gym or parent group or take up a new hobby that involves group participation.
    • If shyness is a problem, join an organisation such as Toastmasters or sign up for an assertiveness training course that caters specifically to these kinds of concerns.
    • Reach out to others and you will be surprised at how responsive they can be. Getting involved in volunteer work is an excellent and non-threatening place to begin. For example, volunteer at Cansa to wrap gifts at shopping centres.
    • Do some serious reality checking about what you expect of others and yourself. Therapy is an excellent way to get the feedback you need to move on.
    • Keeping and caring for a house pet may also help to overcome loneliness.
    • You will be amazed how easy it is to make friends by joining a sport club. Jogging and walking together open so many ways to overcome your loneliness.
    • Take the initiative and start a group for single colleagues, or for single members of your congregation or community. Attend concerts or carols by candlelight together and share the cheer of the season.

Loneliness can really limit peoples’ ability to be a part of fulfilling opportunities and relationships. Take the bold step and reach outside of yourself and you will be surprised to find what you have been missing. Make a meaningful decision today to follow one or more of the above mentioned guidelines to overcome your loneliness, to enjoy your life and especially the coming festive season. You are the only one that can help yourself!

Our Employee Wellbeing Programme (EAP) is available 24 hours a day if you want to know more about loneliness or depression.