Role of peer pressure in young people’s lives

Parents need to understand the value and dangers of peer groups and especially the peer pressure exerted by a group of friends. Peer groups can have a very positive influence on a teenager’s life but, unfortunately, they can also have a dangerous influence and therefore become a challenge for parents!

What peer groups can do for your teenager

Peer groups provide:

• • A sense of belonging and feeling valued

• • Somewhere to fit in when teenagers feel neither like children nor likeadults

• • Increased self-confidence because they are accepted by a group

• • A sense of security and of being understood by others who are going through the same experiences

• • A safe place to test values and ideas

• • Help in the move towards becoming independent

• • Practise in getting along with the opposite sex

• • Ways to meet new people

• • Friendships

• • Practise in learning to give and take

• • Influence on making decisions about life

• • Experience in building relationships.

Peer goups and parents

Problems that peer groups may present to parents:

• • Long hours on the telephone or cell phone talking to friends. Teenagers need to spend lots of time together. At least, if they are on the telephone it means that they are not in the streets!

• • Your house may seem to be overrun with young people; however, when they are at your house you know where they are and what they are doing.

• • Some members of the group may be too old and too experienced for the benefit of your child and the rest of the group and want to do things that you don’t allow, for example they may:

• • Smoke, swear or play loud music

• • Devour food from the fridge or biscuit tin

• • Exert pressure to drink your alcohol

• • Want to watch banned videos

• • Want to have sexual activities in your home.

What parents can do

There are advantages when your teenagers’ friends hang around at your house, but you need to set some house rules. Being humorous about it can take the sting out of your rules.

You can change the utilisation of your rooms so that there is a space for teenagers as well as a space for parents and the younger children in the family. This gives the teenagers some measure of privacy.

Keep plenty of low-cost food such as bread and fruit in season. If necessary, label what is to be kept for family meals and what is available for snacks.

Be clear about what videos/DVDs are allowed at your home or anywhere else and why. Teenagers get a thrill out of watching ‘scary’ videos in a group, so allow some flexibility.

If there is peer pressure on your teenagers to raid your alcohol, make the rules clear and explain the reasoning.

Talk with your teenagers about your values on sexual activities and the behaviour you expect in your home. There are a number of things that you may want to consider, for example, the age of your teenager, the nature of the relationship, where else they would go if they were not at home and, of course, your own values.

A peer group is no substitute for a parent−child relationship. Occasionally, try to spend time with your teenager doing something ‘special’ together. Go to a movie, watch a rugby game, take a walk or go for a swim. It takes practise to change the dynamic from parent−child to parent−adult and this will provide an opportunity to strengthen the new relationship.

Trust your teenager. If the trust is broken, find ways to mend it. Mistakes are to be learnt from.

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