Bereavement or grief is the normal response to sorrow, emotion and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life. Grief is a typical reaction to death, divorce, job loss, a move away from friends and family, or loss of good health due to illness. During the festive season, feelings of grief and sadness may become overwhelming.

Physical and emotional expression of bereavement

Bereavement can be expressed physically as well as emotionally. Physical symptoms include sighing, exhaustion, insomnia, restlessness, weight loss or gain, constipation, diarrhoea and nausea. Emotional responses to loss can consist of denial, anger, guilt, depression and other strong feelings.

Stages of bereavement

Bereavement is different for anyone. Your grief may not progress directly from one stage to the next. However, there are stages of bereavement that are more or less common to many who suffer a loss, such as:

    • Shock and denial. Shock is a natural anaesthesia that protects you from overwhelming pain. Denial is a normal response. You understand what has happened, but on a deeper level you do not really believe it.
    • Guilt and anger. Few people experience the loss of someone or even something important to them without some feeling of guilt, the typical “if only…” reaction. Anger is also a normal response. Many people feel rage or at least mild anger that needs to be expressed.
    • Adjustment and acceptance. At some point in the bereaving process you will come to terms with your loss and be able to continue with your life.

Treatment guidelines to help yourself

These treatment guidelines are meant to help you when you have lost a loved one:

    • Take as much time you need to grieve.
    • Let yourself cry.
    • Postpone any major decisions and try to cut back on some of your usual responsibilities and activities.
    • Discuss your feelings with friends who will listen to you and support you while encouraging you to reconnect to the world.
    • Get regular exercise. Long walks are particular healing.
    • Find any way possible to express your feelings. Write them down, paint or draw your grief.
    • Let your friends know it is all right for them to talk about your loss.
    • As you begin to move beyond your deepest grief, renew old interests and pursue new ones. Do things that give you a sense of hope and control.

There is no timetable for grieving

While the sense of loss and the intermittent sadness may never go away completely, people experience the cycle of grief differently. Some find that within a few weeks or months the periods between waves of extreme sadness lengthen, and they are able to feel peace and renewed hope. Others may face years of being hit with what feels like relentless waves of grief. With counselling and support, most people eventually manage to get through the ordeal of their loss. However, some may not fully overcome the intense feelings of loss and grief and need to seek professional help.

Loss teaches us new lessons in life. You may gain wisdom from your experience and be better able to help others.

Our Employee Wellbeing Programme (EAP) is available 24 hours if you want to discuss your own or a family member’s emotional struggle with grief.