Stop telling your kids not to talk to strangers; they may need to ask a stranger for help one day. Rather, teach them who are “safe” and who are “tricky” people.

Tricky people

The concept of tricky people was created by Pattie Fitzgerald, founder of Safely Ever After, an educational company dedicated to the prevention of childhood sexual abuse. It took flight when a mother of two boys aged ten and eight posted an account on her blog of what happened to her sons. Her boys were waiting in the corridor of a hospital for a neighbour to pick them up while their mother was lying in the emergency room with a ruptured ovarian cyst. They were then approached by three adult strangers who asked the children to go into the hospital bathroom to help to convince a “friend” to be seen by the doctor. Fortunately, the boys refused because they had been taught about “tricky” people and the way they operate.

Knowledge is power

So, how on earth are young (and older) children supposed to identify these predators? How are parents supposed to teach their children how to distinguish between “safe” strangers that they may run to and ask for help when feeling threatened and the “tricky” stranger out to harm them?

Discuss the following traits of tricky people with your children and also put into place your own family stay safety rules to help protect them.

Traits, tricks and rules

    • Tricky people are usually grown-ups who come to children for help with a so-called problem such as finding a lost puppy or asking for directions. Teach your children not to trust grown-ups who do this. “Safe” grown-ups do not need to ask children for help, they will ask other adults to help them.
    • Tricky people are usually grown-ups who tell children to keep a secret or that it’s ok to go somewhere with them without telling their parents. Teach children to always ask for permission before going anywhere or doing anything with a grown-up, even if it is someone they know. Many children are molested by people they know rather than the “stranger in the park”.
    • Teach children to listen to their instincts, to not go anywhere or do anything with someone who makes them feel uncomfortable. Listen to and investigate when your child doesn’t want to be around a particular person. Remind them of the family rule of not keeping secrets and that it’s ok to tell!
    • Teach your child the anatomically correct names for their genitalia and listen carefully if for example your small daughter starts referring to her vagina as a cupcake or other “endearing” term. Find out immediately who taught her these terms.
    • Teach children who they can approach when in danger or when they get lost. A good rule of thumb is to go to a mother who is surrounded by her own children or an elderly lady (grandmother) with children or the saleslady at a cash register, etc.
    • Teach children not to accept gifts from strangers or even non-strangers before asking your permission. Teach children to be suspicious of gifts that adults in positions of authority try to give them, especially if they are the lone recipients of these gifts.
    • Teach your child how to say “no” loudly and forcefully if an adult gets pushy. If that doesn’t help, teach them to make a scene by yelling and running away.

Help your child by role playing and practising how they should respond in a given situation. Remind them that tricky people are professional liars who will try to scare them by saying things such as: “Your mom has had an accident and told me to pick you up after school” or “I’ll hurt your mother if you don’t come with me right now”.

 

Sources

Etue, K. 2016. How to talk about safety with kids: Why we talk about tricky people and not stranger danger. Retrieved from: http://coolmompicks.com/blog/2016/08/29/tricky-people-how-to-talk-safety-with-kids/
Peters, T. 2016. Forget ‘stranger danger’: ‘Tricky people’ concept helps kids spot sketchy adults. Retrieved from: http://www.today.com/parents/forget-stranger-danger-tricky-people-concept-helps-kids-spot-sketchy-
‘Tricky People’ are the new strangers. 2012. Retrieved from: http://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/#sthash.5rI22IWx.dpbs