Silent victims of alcohol abuse

Alcohol abuse often ends in:

• • Domestic violence

• • Emotional abuse. Family members are forced to deal with the mood swings of the alcoholic

• • Financial problems. Addiction is expensive, and the damage and problems caused by that addiction can be expensive too. Few alcoholics can maintain a job

• • Social isolation. Embarrassment caused by the alcoholic’s erratic behaviour and the need to “cover up” those problems often mean that the family becomes isolated and may even see the dysfunctional addiction as normal

• • Health problems. Family members of alcoholics often forego their own mental and physical healthcare while dealing with the alcoholic. Consequently, many suffer from untreated mental health disorders such as depression and chronic ailments that go undiagnosed.

Families may feel responsible for the drinker’s problem and cope by protecting the alcoholic, hiding his or her addiction and adopting dysfunctional family roles.

Children of alcoholics

To bring structure and safety into their home, children often adopt one or more of the following roles while neglecting their own needs:

• • The “family hero” is responsible, works hard for approval and appears successful while hiding insecure, incompetent, confused and angry feelings

• • The “scapegoat” feels blamed when things go wrong; by focusing on his or her faults, the family distracts itself from the real problem. While closer to seeing the truth, scapegoats question authority and act out, often feeling fearful, hurt, rejected, lonely and very angry. They have difficulty entering mainstream society and often abuse alcohol or drugs

• • The “placator” is warm and caring. He or she is emotionally responsible for the family while closed to his or her own feelings

• • The “lost child” is a dreamer, drifting above what bothers others, appearing content while quietly hurt, angry, lonely and feeling inadequate

• • The “adjuster” pretends not to be bothered, doesn’t draw attention to him or herself and is flexible but emotionally withdrawn

• • The “mascot or clown” is charming, cute, fun to be with and quick to make a joke; sometimes flitting from one interest to another, he or she is good at hiding hurt, loneliness, insecurity, fear and low self-esteem.

Partners living with alcoholics

Partners play involuntary roles by tolerating the alcoholic’s odd behaviour, denying the addiction for fear of abandonment, becoming a “people-pleaser” (co-dependent), constantly needing approval and being unable to express anger correctly. They may become depressed, confused, hurt, ashamed and afraid with an overwhelming sense of failure. Unfortunately, many non-alcoholic partners then work hard to “fix” the situation, taking on extra responsibilities, trying to cover up the mess … fighting a losing battle.

Families often don’t see themselves in these roles, which is why it’s extremely important that they become part of the alcoholic’s recovery process.

Support

For free family support contact:

• • Al-Anon at http://www.alanon.org.za/contact.php#anchor

• • South African National Council on Alcoholism & Drug Dependence at www.sanca.co.za

 

Sources

www.orchidrecoverycenter.com
www.drugs.ie
http://health.uml.edu