Sibling rivalry is a common and natural part of family life that teaches children important social skills. But there are days when it feels that it is escalating and too much to bear and parents are left feeling that their children will never get along. Desperate for some solutions? These do’s and don’ts may help ease the situation.
Do’s
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- Spend one-on-one time with each child every day
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- Treat all the children with the same respect, consideration and love
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- Give each child physical space they can call their own
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- Allow each child ownership of items, things they do not have to share with their siblings, that are kept apart from shared belongings
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- Try to have enough blocks, toys or dolls so each child has reasonably enough to play with and ensure that there are at least some toys to cater to each child’s tastes
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- Know when to get involved in the conflict and when to step back and allow children to work their conflicts out themselves, especially with older children.
Don’ts
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- Don’t foster competition between siblings: it is not about winning and losing, but what they learn on the way; how they resolve the conflict and what they take from it
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- Don’t compare children; it can build resentment
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- Don’t become the referee; let them sort out differences themselves and merely guide them to find ways to do it
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- Don’t allow violence; make it clear that any form of violence in resolving conflicts are unacceptable
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- Don’t allow tattling.
When conflict escalates
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- Be patient and try not to draw conclusions about who is guilty and/or innocent
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- Acknowledge their feelings and get them to calm down
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- Focus on the main problem and not the fight; get to the issue at heart
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- Encourage them to see both sides
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- Try to restore the relationship through an apology, a hug and sometimes a treat for both as a reward for doing the right thing
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- Never reprimand or punish one child in front of the other.
Sources
planningwithkids.com
www.bodyandsoul.com.au
www.healthychildren.org
www.kidspot.com.au
www.parents.com