Self-defeating behaviour can make any situation worse. Comb these clues to find out if you’re guilty of any of these exacerbating habits, then place them on your “what-not-to-do” list.

Stop harming yourself by:

    • Trying to become something that you’re not, while there’s plenty of value in who you are. This can mean branching out into new fields while falling behind in the latest knowledge in the field that you’re in. You can be caught in the middle – not yet good enough to compete in the new area, while losing strength in the old area.
    • Putting your own needs on the back burner. Losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much – forgetting that you’re special too.
    • Adding new items without subtracting the old ones. This is how cupboards get cluttered, bureaucracies expand, workloads grow out of control, national budgets go into deficit and people get fat.
    • Thinking you’ll get away with it. Whatever “it” is – lying, cheating, corrupt practices or swallowing extra bites of chocolate – cannot remain secret for long in the digital age. It will show up somewhere – in routine audits, SARS investigations, smartphone photos by strangers or the bathroom scale.
    • Wasting time explaining yourself to others. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
    • Following the path of least resistance. Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
    • Speaking in jargon. If something is important enough for people to understand, it’s important enough to make it understandable. Using jargon with people who don’t understand it will make this difficult and rarely will they feel comfortable enough to tell you they don’t follow what you’re saying.
    • Talking at people or over them. Don’t talk down to people or interrupt them when they speak. This habit does nothing but make others withhold their support for you or even avoid being around you.
    • Not having good listening skills. If you tune out what others are saying, people tend to stop trying to talk to you because they feel that you don’t care about what’s important to them.
    • Being afraid of failure. By continuously playing it safe and not taking any risks, you may find that your personal and professional growth will eventually become stunted.

If you’re shooting yourself in the foot with these or other self-defeating behaviours, take action by becoming more self-aware.

 

Sources
Covey, Steven R. 1992. The seven habits of highly effective people. Simon & Schuster, London.
Kanter, Rosabeth Moss. 2012. Ten reasons people resist change. Harvard Business Review. September 25.
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