Grieving is a process. On your journey through grief you may find some solace in these words.
- Allow yourself to grieve. You need time to adjust, to reminisce, to care and to process.
- Grief is not an enemy or a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being human.
- Grief is the cost of loving someone.
- Even in the midst of your sorrow, be aware of the solace and beauty around you.
- Find just one, small something to be grateful for each day.
- Remember, death is not the opposite of life; it’s the opposite of birth.
- The ambush of emotions can attack at any time; prepare beforehand. When you know what to expect, you’re not thrown as much, and you’re better able to recover.
- Embrace your grief; don’t fight it – so that you may experience true healing.
- Healing from your grief is not easy. It’s a long, sometimes painful process.
- Talk about your loss with friends, family, a professional or join a support group.
- Grief is a process, not an event.
- Accept the difficulty of certain times of year and your loss. Remind yourself that it’s a season and it will pass.
- Don’t hibernate. Insecure feelings may tempt you to isolate, but force yourself to go out even if it’s only for a short time.
- Allow yourself some genuine fun. You won’t be dishonouring the memory of your loved one by doing so.
- Lower your expectations – movies and songs paint an unrealistic picture.
- Don’t anesthetise the pain with drugs or alcohol – numbing emotional distress with chemicals creates more depression.
- Take care of your physical well-being. Healthy foods give you strength; fattening and sugar-filled foods can worsen your depression.
- Take care of yourself. You have been wounded. Something very valuable and dear has been taken away from you.
- Be careful about whom you allow into your experience. Choose only those people whom you believe will understand and be able to comfort and support you.
- Have the EWP number taped to your phone or the number of your pastor or close friend. Call someone if negative thoughts become fierce.
- Get some sunshine.
- Resume your life but leave time and space for grieving.
- You may know that the death was inevitable, that the person is better off not suffering but don’t be confined to the realm of logic; you know what you know, and you feel what you feel.
- Invite a new (same-sex) friend to see a movie, have dinner or a cup of tea/coffee.
- Explain to your family and friends precisely what you are capable of doing and what you aren’t; don’t let others guilt you into taking on more than you can handle.
- Don’t judge yourself for anything you feel or don’t feel.
- Don’t think something is wrong with you if you have a good day. Likewise, don’t think something is wrong if you fall apart at a movie ten months down the line.
- Reach out to others by discovering people who might be alone during the holidays.
- Shakespeare said, “Give sorrow words”. What words would you give your sorrow? What glimmers of hope and healing are you seeing?
- Pour out your heart to your God. Why? Because God is your refuge and strength.
- Denial is like trying to keep an inflated beach ball submerged in water. Inevitably, the pain forces its way to the surface only made worse by our refusal to face it.
- Anger can be part of the grieving process. Take responsibility for your anger and deal with it.
- Cry – it’s a release.
- Find out what is good about your life and enjoy it.
- Admit that total recovery is possible after grief.
- Take time to recover – don’t rush it.
- Learn to handle your negative emotions.
- Make a decision towards personal growth and development.
- Take an interest in yourself.
- List some daily, weekly, monthly, annual and long-term goals.
Sources
Barry Michael S. 2004. A reason for hope. Life Journey. Cooke Communications Ministries.
http://dying.about.com/
Kellemen Bob. 2004. God’s healing for life’s losses. Church Initiative.
Roos V, du Toit M, Joubert N, & du Toit R. 2005. A counsellor’s guide in dealing with trauma, death and bereavement. Verbum Publishers