Having solid relationships in our lives increases our overall well-being. Even though every relationship is unique and people choose a partner for different reasons, there are some things that good relationships have in common that you need to know.
When you know the basic principles of healthy relationships, it can help yours stay meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad.
1. Communication, communication, communication
Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. You and your partner must feel comfortable expressing your needs, fears and desires. However, much of your communication is transmitted by what you don’t say. Non-verbal cues such as eye contact, leaning towards or away from your partner, and touching, communicate much more than words. For your relationship to work well, both of you have to be receptive to sending and receiving non-verbal cues.
Check how you respond to good news. Studies have shown that when two people respond to one another’s shared good news in an active, positive and constructive way, it validates the excitement of the person and offers her or him a chance to savour the good event for a little longer and also nurtures a sense of connection between them. The opposite is also true and an off-hand, insensitive negative response and lack of interest in the other person’s news can do incredible harm to a relationship.
2. Spend quality time together
Even during busy and stressful times a few minutes of sharing and connecting can keep your relationship strong. Find something that you and your partner can enjoy together, such as a daily walk, watching a movie, visiting friends or sharing a hobby. Trying out new things together is a fun way to keep your relationship interesting. It can be as simple as trying out a new restaurant or more daring as taking dance classes together.
3. Keep physical intimacy alive
Physical intercourse between two adult partners is the cornerstone of a committed relationship. However, it should not be the only method of physical intimacy. Regular, affectionate touch, such as holding hands, hugging or kissing your partner, is equally important.
4. Stop the blame game
Don’t start blaming each other when things are going badly. Both of you share joint responsibility for the relationship and you should face problems together as a couple. When dealing with conflict in your relationship, make sure you fight fair, don’t drag old arguments into the mix, keep the focus on the issue at hand and don’t steamroller your partner into resentful surrender. Don’t be afraid of conflict either but be prepared to say, “I’m sorry” – and mean it! We sometimes automatically assume that conflict will collapse a relationship. However, “engaging in conflict isn’t going to end the relationship, it’s avoiding the conflict [that might]”, says psychologist Michael Batshaw.
5. Expect ups and downs
There are ups and downs in every relationship and you won’t always be on the same page. Your partner may be struggling with issues, such as job loss or severe health problems. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger. Always remember that you’re a team. Try to brainstorm solutions together, instead of each partner arguing his or her point. “The assumption [should be], every concern of yours is a concern of mine”, advises clinical psychologist Susan Heitler.
Always continue to move forward together, which can get you through the rough spots. Keeping a sense of humour can also help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues as a couple more easily.
Studies have also shown that couples who try new things together on a regular basis have happier relationships. So, do break out of your comfort zone, get out there and have some fun!
Sources
Conlan, K. The one communication skill that will improve all of your relationships. 2014. Retrieved from: http://www.fulfillmentdaily.com
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk
Klosowski, T. 2014. What research tells us about the most successful relationships. Retrieved from: http://lifehacker.com
Tartakovsky, M. How conflict can improve your relationship. Retrieved from:
http://psychcentral.com
Revised by M van Os